some things i love and should start doing more...

• thrift shop fixer-upping: buying junk and making it cute/fun. 
• scrabble: real and speed
• reading: for fun; not just text books and assigned readings.
• running: i'm fat and i should run anyway, plus i love it.
• listening to my records: i love them but i never turn them on. lazy much? 
• eating sunflower seeds: maybe it's just because it's winter and stuff, but i miss seeds.
• writing letters: i have a few very overdue letters i need to write to various friends. i should do that.
• riding bikes: i'm pretty sure i love riding. again, it's winter and i'm lazy. 
• writing in my real journal: i love blogging because it's easier than writing in a journal, but i love looking back at my old journals...
• playing my uke: i suck and i'm fine with it; i just like it. 

some sunday stuff

Some lyrics I love: (thanks to baby girl Jenny Lewis for this song)
It’s not as if New York City burnt down to the ground
Once you drove away
It’s not as if the sun won’t shine
When clouds up above
Wash the blues away

Are we breakin' up?
(Breakin up)
Are we breakin' up?
(Breakin' up)
Is there trouble between you and I?
Did my heart break enough?
(Break enough)
Did it Break enough this time
(Break enough)

Here’s to all the pretty words we will never speak
Here’s to all the pretty girls you're gonna meet

Am I breakin up?
(Breakin up)
Am I Breakin up
Is there trouble on the line?
Did your heart break enough?
(Break enough)
Did it Break enough this time
(Break enough)

Ooooh, it feels good to be free
Oooh it feels good to be free
Oooh it feels good to be free

Betrayal is a thorny crown
You wear it well
Just like a king
Revenge is the saddest thing
Honey, I’m afraid to say
You deserve everything

Am I breakin up?
(Breakin up)
Are we breakin up?
Is there trouble between the lines?
Did your heart break enough?
(Break enough)
Did it break enough?
(Break enough)
Break enough this time?

Ooooh, it feels good to be free
Oooh it feels good to be free
Oooh it feels good to be free

____________________________________________________________________

On a different note, I think I'm gonna move to sunny St. George for the summer. I mean nothing is set in stone and I don't have a job or a place to live down there, but I would like to do it. I need a change of pace and some new faces; St. George is close enough to come home if needed and far enough away that I can meet some new friends.

____________________________________________________________________

On another completely unrelated note, my sister is back and I am lovin' it! :)

Hope you have a great Sunday! Lets hope for sunny weather and summer coming soon! Can you believe it's gonna be March tomorrow?! eek!

social theory can kiss my ass....

Okay, not really. I'll write my paper in a few minutes, but first I just want to tell you how much I love homework.

Lets back up for a minute. I suck at school. I hate waking up to go to class, I hate unnecessary homework, and I hate boring lectures. I love learning and I'm pretty sure I'm at least semi-smart; I just prefer to do it on my own. I know, I know...I should do online school, blah blah blah. No. I will finish my undergraduate degree at SUU if it kills me and thus I am up at 1:15 am blogging about how much I love school instead of writing a paper on guy that I can't pronounce his name.

I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school.

Enna Bear

If you don't know my sister, you're missing out...so I'll just tell you about her. Anne is one of the very best people on earth, hands down. I think I totally lucked out in the sibling department because I got Anne and Joey and I'm pretty sure they're both perfect. Buddy is pretty rad, too.

Anyway, Enna has been serving a mission for the LDS church since October in the Naga mission. She has loved every second of it, including the rats in her shower bucket, the fact that she has a bucket "shower", spiders bigger than her head, and an array of what I would consider awful food. Anne is amazing and has an outlook on life that is unlike anyone else I know.

Since arriving in the Philippines Anne has had some health problems that have been persistent. Being the little go-getter that she is just let them slide by and hoped that they would eventually go away. Three months have gone by and she is in a great deal of pain and the doctors cannot find anything. My guess is because the "hospital" is more like a grass hut...go figure. We were able to Skype with her this morning and she is still very positive, although her mission president said it's hard for her to get out of bed.

Enna will be flying home and hopefully arriving on Tuesday night to the Salt Lake City airport. As much as I am dying to see her, my heart is breaking for her. I don't think she's ever been as happy as she is right now in her entire life. She loves the Philippines, the people, and everything she has been doing. It's hard for me to watch her have to leave something that she loves because of something out of her control; I wish there was something that I could do for her. Even though this will be a huge challenge for Anne I know that she will take whatever comes her way with a positive outlook.

Joey and I have never been more excited in our lives to do the Decker Butt Dance with our sister. We just hope she gets well soon so that she can return to normal and go back on her mission. For now, we'll enjoy every second we get to spend with her! We love you Enna Bear!

“ no matter how upside down it all may temporarily appear, we will have no fear because we know this secret: life is crazily in love with us—wildly and innocently in love with us. the universe always gives us exactly what we need, exactly when we need it. ”rob brezny

do you believe in magic?

Pray for my sister (if you pray), otherwise think happy-get-well-thoughts or something for her. She's sick and in the middle of nowhere on her mission. I would love for her to be able to stay out there because, lets be real, she's the happiest little mofo in the world right now. 

Pray, hope, think, meditate, or whatever else ya'll do, for my baby sis. 

Thanks!

HGC: what have i signed up for?!

Oh hell. What have I gotten myself into this time you ask?

Well, I placed my order for some HGC drops today with Anna and Jaime. We're gonna see what happens. And I might be a little bitchy for about a month. No more candy and coke for me! Ah, shiz!

Wish me luck!

rainbows and butterflies

I am deciding to love my life right now even if it's not exactly what I'd choose if I could. School isn't so bad, my fam is rad, I have the coolest friends in Utah, and I'm going to the Tegan and Sara concert in two weeks. My life in little old Cedar City could be terrible but for the most part, I really do like it.

I mean, if I had the opportunity to leave tomorrow (and have my degree completed), I'd hop on the plane/bus/car/boat/any form of transportation in a heartbeat. I've been itching to get outta here for so long it almost seems like a dream. A bad dream. As much as I truly do love Cedar and all my friends and family that are here, it's not for me. I need something else. I want something different.

Earlier today my friend said she's gonna hop on a plane and move to Texas to runaway from and solve problems. Though I am guilty of doing exactly that a number of times (not quite as drastic moves geographically, but for the same reasons), I don't feel like that's why I want to leave this time. I mean sure, some part of my is probably trying to runaway from something or someone from my past. For the most part though, I think I'm just finally ready to break free from all that is expected of me here in Utah, in my parents basement, from everyone who knows me.

Leaving Cedar isn't going to solve my problems, make me into someone new, or adjust my outlook on life. Leaving Cedar will allow me to be who I am, make new friends, and have new adventures without me having to worry about offending those that are close to me. I'll always love Cedar and I have so many memories and friends here that I think I'll always call it home; I just need to have a "vacation" home as well. Sometimes living here is exhausting; I'm ready to relax and just be myself.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't feel like it is impossible to be myself right here, living in the 'rents basement--it's a choice that I'm making and have made for a long time. In order to respect my parents (family) beliefs it makes it difficult to be "myself". It's not like I'm fake right now, I'm just not doing what I'd be doing under different circumstances.

So here's to getting the hell done with school and getting the eff outta Utah...or at least out of my parents basement.

***this is not meant offensively to my parents. they are some of the coolest folks I know. love you M and D. :)

spice up my life, please.

Hi I'm Jill and I'm a blog stalker...I love reading random blogs- but not just any random blogs....I like funny, cute, interesting kind of blogs. I'm not really a huge fan of the my-life-is-so-perfect kind of blogs.

I have a few blogs that I check every day hoping that they will be updated; it's disappointing when they aren't. Thing is, I'm getting bored. I need some new material, if you will. I need your help. Yes, you.

What is your favorite blog? Do tell.

Please and thank you (in advance). :) [creep smile for all of you]

some depot poetry

For a while, Anna (co-worker) and I were writing poetry every day, all day. I mean seriously, we even started a poetry (unbeknownst to the owners of the gas station in which we work) contest for all the Depot cracks. We wrote poems for our bosses, co-workers, friends, family, and random people we met. Some people thought we were weird, some thought we might be on drugs, and some just thought it was normal. I still have no idea why we decided to become Depot poets, but it sure was good times. So tonight, as I sit here bored and alone, I am going to write some Depot poetry for all my blog stalkers.

Okay, I lied. I am not really going to do that because I can't think of anything except that I'm tired and I want to go to bed and never wake up. I mostly just wanted to document this very special time of my life that I've had at the Depot. Poetry Days have been some of the best lived here in Depot Land and I don't wanna forget about them!

scrabble: my one true love

 Since it's Valentines Day today I thought I'd share with you my love of scrabble. I think I would marry it if I could, so it must be love, right? I don't remember when my love for scrabble began, but I know it was around age 4. My mom has always been an avid word person; she loves scrabble. I remember watching my parents play scrabble for hours on end. I was fascinated by the game and always wanted to play with them.

When I was around 9 years old, I met Lily (and Max) when they moved in across the street from us. They were in their 60's at that time, I think. Anyway, Lily also had a passion for words and was an excellent scrabble master. I would go to her house every Sunday and she would play with me, teach me new words, and show me strategies. Looking back on these times I can only imagine how frustrating that might have been for her. I mean, I was 9 years old and she was brilliant.

The older I got, the less appealing scrabble became. I didn't want to play Scrabble...I wanted to be cool. I don't think I played more than ten times my entire high school career. And then it happened. My boyfriend at the time left on his mission and I needed a hobby. My mom got out the Scrabble board and it's been history ever since. I love Scrabble. I love speed Scrabble, regular scrabble, any kind of Scrabble.

I love Scrabble so much that I want to dedicate an entire room to the cause if I ever get my own pad. I want a Scrabble table (Lily has an amazing one), clock, pictures, pillows, etc. Trust me, I have it all planned out. It will be awesome. And then maybe one day I'll play in a Scrab tourny. How RAD would that be?!

P.S. I have decided I want to start collecting Scrabble boards or anything to do with the game. So, if you're ever wondering what I want for my birthday (Sept. 4) or Christmas, you know what to get me!

just a little reminder: Jazzy Hoes!

In case you haven't heard (highly unlikely since I talk about it all the time) or have forgotten, check out my Jazzy Hoe blog at www.jazzyhoes.blogspot.com

Also, please e-mail me some Jazzy Hoe pics if you have any! We love getting new pictures; the more the better!!

if my life were made into a book...

I think I live a pretty awesome life and often wonder what it'd be like if it were made into a book. Here's a little sneak preview of what it might be like if I actually decided to take the time to write an autobiography (which at this point in time I have no intention of doing). 

Title: How I Survived: Jill's Life in Utahville 

Chapter 1: Being Born a Provo-ite: the ins and outs of Happy Valley

Chapter 2: Hating Church; being forced to participate. 

Chapter 3: Finding A Husband: AKA, hellish ordeal

Chapter 4: Just Keep Drinking: A Guide To Being an Alcoholic

Chapter 5: Drinking: a continuation of the previous chapter

Chapter 6: Vegas is Only a Two Hour Drive Away: Thank God!

Chapter 7: Gag Me: I Do Not Like You. 

Chapter 8: Well Hello There...I DO Like You.

Chapter 9: Wow, Utah Isn't So Bad...I Still Wanna Leave

Chapter 10: to be decided...

i knew this day would come...just didn't think it'd be this soon!

Today I was having a convo with my little bro Joey. If you don't know Joey, you're missing out. Anyway, it went a little something like this:
Me: Hey Joe Bear! Guess what?! You're almost 17! CRAZY! You're getting so big. I hate it. 
Joey: Jill. I'm still in high school. I'm not old.
Me: Well Joey, you're gonna be 18 in like a year! What the H!
Joey: Ha, I know! I can't wait.
Me: Do you know how old I am? 
Joey: hmmm...I forgot.
Me: I'm 24. Gross. I'm gonna be 25 in September.
Joey: Ew, you're almost 30! You'll be a freak!
Me: Joey, don't be mean! (pretending to cry)
Joey: Well...Jill, get real.

What the hell? My little brother thinks I'm old. Not just getting older, but old. Like old maid status. I think I'm gonna die. I mean, I know I'm gettin' to the "old maid" status in Utah world but that's not a problem for me. I can deal with that. What I can't deal with is the fact that I only have five years until I'm actually "old". EEK!

 Good thing I love Joey...a lot. Otherwise he might have been punched in the face or something. 

Valentines Day: the best of times and the worst of times....

Valentines Day is a day of mixed emotions for a lot of people. Is it one of happiness and love or one of despair and hopelessness? Well, for me, it's one that I just don't really care about. I mean, yeah, I've had plenty of lovers and fun times on V-Day; I guess it's not terrible. I, for one, am a big supporter of showing your significant other that you love them. I just don't see the point of dedicating a day to buy them shit to prove that love. Here is a (small) list of my reasoning behind my take on the ol' V-Day:

• I am the least romantic person I've ever met. Literally. 
• Roses don't make me think you love me.
• Sick love notes on Hallmark cards with little to no thought put into them make me wanna barf.
• A day dedicated to people who are "in love" so that they can express their love seems a little pathetic. I mean, can't you just be in love all the time and not have to have a specific day set aside to be mushy?
• I don't have any plans; it's on a Sunday so there will be nothing going on in the thriving metropolis of Cedar City.
• I don't think pink and red, alone, go well together. Make it a rainbow and it's much prettier, but plain pink and red are gaggy. I don't like it. 
• Doileys (if that's how to spell it) are disgusting and it seems people like them around V-Day. Why?! 
• Wearing underwear that say "I Love You" is one thing, but wearing full-on sex outfits with lips, hearts, and "kisses" on them is really weird. Just have sex, don't be a clown or something. 
• Chocolate is fine and I'll take it if you wanna give it to me, but my fat ass really doesn't need it. Thanks!
• Love "coupons" make me wanna gag myselft with a fork nine times. I mean, honestly, I don't think that even my dirty mind could top what some of those "coupons" offer. It's one thing to do certain things spontaneously but it's a whole new level when you offer your "services" by way of coupons. Unless it says "make your bed for a week", "wash the dishes", or "clean the bathroom for a month" I don't want your damn coupons. 
• People waste a lot of money on not very delicious food. Pizza and a movie would be much better than some gross "fancy" dinner. If you could get on that right now, I'd really appreciate it. 
• I'd rather watch basketball in my bed alone than be on an awkward date with some dude I don't really like. 

 *this list is in no way meant offensively to those of you loving people who are in relationships and sometimes do really nasty things for love. i still love you and hope the very best for you and your significant other. just keep your hands to yourself when you're around me and we're good to go. i promise to do the same around you, cause trust me, you don't wanna see me gettin' it on.

I Got Sunburned at the Beach...

I'm totally fried from fake tanning. Wait, before you judge me, hear me out. Last night I was having one of the most bitch-tastic nights of my life...as in I was being a bitch. My dear friend, Britt, and I decided to eat food and go tanning. Fake tanning. It was lightly snowing (actually I don't remember if it was really snowing or not, but it adds a little somethin' to the story), I was cold as hell (if hell is cold), and I needed me some sunlight. What better way to solve Bitch Fest 2010 than to fake bake? None I tell you.

Ah, as I basked in my "sunlit" tanning booth listening to 98.1 with Delila (soft rock, less talk) I thought about how incredibly awesome my life is right now. I mean, yeah...school is kicking my ass and making me want to dive off a cliff with sharp rocks at the bottom, but my life is pretty amazing. I live rent-free (but not parent-free), I get to do anything I want, anytime I want. I mean, it seems I'm always doing something crazy fun and I like my life.

Anyway, back to fake baking...as I was lying there jamming to some sick soft rock, I lost track of time. I told the front desk girl to set my bed for 20 minutes; I was thinking I'd get out sooner if I felt like I was gonna get crispy. Well, as my luck would have it, I stayed the entire 20 minutes. Now if you don't know me this might not be a big deal to you, but for those of you who have seen my pasty, white body you'd understand. One day later and I'm in a world of hurt. I look like a lobster, feel like little pins are stabbing my body and have the whitest ass on earth right now (yep, I left my undies on and thank the Lord for that)!

Anyway, it must not be too bad since I plan to go back very soon. I don't care how much it will increase my risk of getting skin cancer (already runs in the fam and I'm doomed anyhow), how fake it is, or how much it might hurt the day after. I love being warm and if fake tanning is how I'm going to accomplish this during Utah's freezing winters, then so be it! I love FAKE BAKING!

super bowl, rain forest cafe, and chicken nuggets

The Super Bowl was fun times. I cheered for the Saints and they won. yay. I even got myself a Saints Jersey; I have no idea who the dude is, but whateve!

I got to eat lobster dip at the rain forest cafe. yummmmmm!

I ate 20 chicken nuggets in about...ten minutes. um, gross right? So good though.

mmmmmm

Pretty sure I'm in love with Celine. Yep, that's right. 

Be jeal.

ohhh yeahhhhh, feels good to be free!

• Mesquite trip with Anna and Jaime? Check.
• Vegas trip with Tennile? Check.
• St. George trip with Britt? Check.
• Another Vegas trip on Sunday with Anna and Jaime? But of course.

What a crazy week! Bring it on! 

Ed the Wallet saves Jill's life.

Okay folks. It's official...

After 25 (almost) years of not using a wallet/purse, I have successfully used a wallet for over an entire month now!

YAY for me!

Okay, but seriously, what the eff is wrong with me? How come it took me so long to realize how annoying it is to lose my I.D., money, and license every time I need them? This past month has been a little slice of heaven, all thanks to Ed (that's my wallet). I mean, without Ed, I'd be lost...or at least all my stuff would be gone.

So, thanks Ed for keeping my stuff together for me. You're a life saver!